Updates

My house:

The smell has returned to normal and the crapper's working fine.

My son's grades:

He's managing to pull them up a bit. He still has a bit to go though.

My friend:

Well, she's doing the best she can. A cyst burst and caused the stroke, an infection and nerve damage. Plus she has a second cyst as well. But she's still managing to work though. But, no driving yet.

Things are a bit better in the house of Maranda.

Bummin' And Stinkin'

Where I'm at and where I've been I really couldn't tell ya. I'm wiped out. It all started a couple weeks ago when my best friend called and told me she just got out of the ER after suffering a stroke and if I'd be able to give two of her four kids a ride to school in the mornings because they have no way of getting there otherwise. Of course I said yes. Two days ago she called to tell me that her MRI results showed that she either has a cyst or a tumor and it's crushing part of her brain, she can no longer drive or work and she has to go to a brain surgeon. That doctor might be able to get her in two weeks from now. Today she calls and tells me she's had two bloody noses and she never has bloody noses. Her mom, dad, brother and a niece or nephew have all passed away from different forms of cancer at young ages. Her sister is currently battling breast cancer. She's only 36 years old and a mom of 4. If you believe, please say a few prayers for her. She really needs them right now.

Needless to say, tonight's the first night I've been on the net for a couple of weeks. I'm wiped and hungry as I speak. A midnight snack sounds good. Mmm...

Now for my problems:

Today.... I had to take my car into the fixemup shop cuz something ain't right in the front end and the steering's goin' to hell. Sumthin's bangin' and poppin' and it's ridin' like a grain truck.

And Then....As soon as I get home and open my front door I'm greeted my the pungent aroma of shit. Yeah, you read that right. Shit. SHIT!!! Sent the boyz to grandma and grandpa's while I sat in my aromatic house and waited for the fixemup guy to come over and fix my crapper catcher. Seems the septic pipe under my trailer came apart and was leaking all underneath. It just needed to be glued back together. Probably from the weather. Whew! I'm glad it was him and not me under there. EWW! That's what I'm paying him for. Right? And the worst part was if I wanted to go anywhere I had to walk there cuz my car's in the fixemup shop too! Calgon, take me away!!!!

My 11 year old is pulling straight F's in school cuz he either doesn't get the homework home or just won't do it. So now his teachers are keeping him in from recess and after school to try and pull his butt out of it so he can pass the 6th grade. Needless to say he's lost all of his electronics in the house for the remainder of the school year. And possibly this summer if he has to attend summer school. Oh, hell, maybe forever. He's not arguing with his games anymore anyways.

My 6 year old has decided to start throwing major temper tantrums lately and stomping his feet. Ya know. Needless to say, he gets alot of timeouts. Then tonight he was trying to hook a dvd player up to his TV and knocked the damned TV on the floor. I doubt it works anymore.

I need a vacation. Alone. By myself. Yeah, sounds good to me. Or maybe just nice weather so the kids can get outside and blow the stink off of them.

Hey, on a brighter note....my house got a really good airing out and a that can of air freshener I sprayed all over my house helped. Thank goodness it was 60 and sunny today. And, I finally got my new ultra plush, pillowtop mattress and box spring set, after a 3 week delay. Ahh...a new bed. Now, where did I put that damn step stool so I can get in the damn thing!?! Hmm...

I'm still waiting on my new couch and recliner though. It'll be a month by the time I finally get the damn things. Oh, BTW, I bought some new furniture with my tax return money. Yeah, TV stand, coffee table and 3 end tables for my living room too. And they all match:) The couch and the recliner do too:)

Geez, it's after midnight. I'm tired. I'm heading to bed. Night night. Been a rough couple of weeks.

Poppity Pop Pop

If I ever got married again this would be my dream gown. LOL! Made from balloons. I'd have to beware of all sharp pointy objects. Oh, I couldn't sit down either. I'd think it'd be a tad hot and sweaty too. Tee hee hee.

Old People And Me

They're attracted to me like flies to stink. Swear to gawd.

At the store I've been asked about hemorroid creams, told about bowel problems, asked where things are located at, etc, etc. Like I know or really want to know.

But today, oh, today really takes the cake for me.

I'm driving down the road when all of a sudden this huge boat of a car starts to turn in front of me from where it was parked. In a split second decision I find myself in the oncoming lane of traffic to avoid t-boning him.

He keeps on coming at me. I swerve more. His front end swipes my passenger side and keeps going. Finally realizing what just happened, he backs up and returns to his original starting point so I pull into a parking spot on the side of the road I originally started from.

This little old man gets out of his car, walks up to me by my car and says I don't know how that happened, I didn't even see you there. I don't see any damage to my car. While standing there assessing the damage to my car I ask him for his insurance info. "Eh, you have to speak up. I'm hard of hearing."

Now, when things get to the point that you can't see. You can't hear. You should NOT be driving let alone a huge boat of a car.

At least his memory's intact though. He remembered he has insurance.

Girl Time

Okay ladies time for some girl talk.

I feel like I've been drug through the mud girlfriends. I feel this way once a month and it's been for the past few years.

I go to a client's house and her son informs me that I look terrible like I haven't slept for a week.

Well, no, sir since you asked asked today is the first day of my period. I'm tired, drug out, bloated, cramping and I'm bleeding like a stuffed pig. Thanks for asking though.

Later on a girlfriend of mine stops by and tells me the same damn thing. I look like shit. Gee, thanks. She then informs me that I should have some surgery to scrape my uterus lining to stop my periods. Is that safe? Is that healthy? She's nuts.

My question to you ladies is this:

Do you think I should see a gyne after not having seen one in 6 years? Oh, I'm kinda crabby too and I've got the diarrahea! Ugh!

Supermom, Ahoy!

The beginning - 6:15 - beep, beep, beep bam hit the snooze
Next thing I know - beep, beep, beep - peer out the window and what do I see? Sunlight. Uh oh, hit the snooze one too many times. It's now 7:15. First bus arrives in 15 minutes.

Can she do it? Why yes, yes, of course she can. She's supermom!
And it goes a little something like this:

"Oh, shit, I overslept. (running around like a chicken with its head cut off) ES, YS get up now, we gotta make those buses. We've got 15 minutes."

YS comes staggering out, mom throws clothes on him, wets down and brushes hair, whips the coat, boots, hat, mittens and backpack on, hands him a breakfast bar, gives him a hug and a kiss and sends him out the door in 10 minutes flat.

All the while ES has joined the fun by passing out cold on the living room floor. "Not gonna make it mom."

Oh, if supermom can do it once she can do it again. And she did. 10 minutes later ES is headed on his way with a breakfast bar and a can of orange pop in tow. Ummm, sugar, one of the 4 basic food groups!

Now she starts the race to get to work on time. Teeth, hair, deo, clothes, shoes, coat, purse, keys. Hmm...what's she forgetting? Oh, yeah a can of coca cola. Yeah, two of the 4 basic food groups. Sugar and caffeine. By now, she needs it. Forget the breakfast bar. And she's out the door in nothing flat arriving at work one minute early.

Man, am I good or what!?!

Such Is My Life

As soon as youngerspawn walks through the door off comes the backpack, boots, coat, hat, mittens, shirt, pants, socks, underwear and then we don a fresh pair. Backwards as to give himself a wedgie.

Once elderspawn arrives home, he starts jamming to the tunes lounging around in his undies and youngerspawn is jiggling and wiggling about giving himself an atomic wedgie at this point. His undies are still on backwards.

What is with the male species and not wearing clothes?